To Touch or Not to Touch

Sex Addiction Therapy, Chicago and Wilmette. Il.

Individuals no longer seem to understand healthy parameters of a loving, consensual sexual relationship. Someone told me about a disturbing episode on Vice news. The couple on the show discussed sexual interactions between husband and wife. According to this couple, an individual must “always” ask permission to touch their partner. This meant that if a wife wanted to grab her husband’s butt she needed explicit permission from him first. The conversation went from confusing to more confusing.

Common sense has flown out the window when it comes to rules of sexual interaction. Therapists encourage couples to engage in playful, spontaneous sexual expression during sex therapy. In the above-mentioned conversation, the couple described sexual playfulness and spontaneity as bordering on abusive. This commentary is completely ridiculous.

Your sexual intimacies as a couple should not be dictated by what reporters, television shows, or what culture defines as politically correct. Your sexual relationship with your partner should include mutually agreed upon loving interactions between the two of you. Romantic exchanges between the two of you may include spontaneous, erotic, and romantic sexual expressions.

What makes good sex? Good sex results from shutting off our big brains, while engaging in good communication, and focusing on pleasure. When a couple feels comfortable and safe with each other they can ask for what turns them on without fear of scorn or rejection. When you communicate well with your partner it’s very difficult for either one or the other to feel misunderstood or threatened by touching. If you don’t like it if your husband grabs your breasts while you’re doing some chore tell him. Most often couples want to please each other.

If you find that you are struggling with communication or sexual issues either as an individual or in your marriage don’t hesitate to call Dr. Goschi to schedule your appointment. Dr. Goschi can be reached at (312)595-1787 or by email at barbara@drgoschi.com

What the Heck's a Sexologist?

Well, I’m not exactly sure.  I discovered this word while using google analytics.  People looking for sex therapy search for a “sexologist.”  According to Wikipedia, “Sexology is the study of human sexuality, including human sexual interests, behaviors and functions.   Topics of study include sexual development, sexual orientation, gender identity, sexual relationships, sexual activities, paraphilias, and atypical sexual interests.”  Many of these topics comprise what I treat in my practice. However, people searching under this term may be looking for how they might enjoy better sexual lives rather than the most recent research on human sexuality.

I do believe that in couples counseling talking about your marital sexual interactions should be addressed.  Very often, clients who have previously worked on their marriages have neglected to work on their sexual relationship.   If your marital communication is poor it follows that your sexual life may also suffer.

In general, we view our sexual relationship as separate from other aspects of our marriage.  However, they are intrinsically tied to each other. If, for example, we are always fighting with each other this most likely has a profound impact on the frequency of your sexual expression.  Some couples have great makeup sex while others simply stop having sex when there is too much conflict. Maintaining a healthy sexual life enhances the strength of any marriage.

What does a healthy sexual life look like?  Each partner defines what they believe a healthy sex life would include.  For example, feeling gratified, expressing your needs and desires, talking about what you enjoy and what you don’t enjoy.  These topics define what couples say they require to feel sexually complete. Also, being honest with your partner if there’s something that they do sexually that bothers you tell them, instead,  share with them how they can sexually please you.

If you are looking for a “Sexologist” or more importantly someone who can help you with your sexual relationship don’t hesitate to call Dr. Barbara Goschi.  She’s here to help. You can reach her by phone at (312) 595-1787 or email her at barbara@drgoschi.com.