Let’s not conflate pedophilia with sex addiction

Once again the Catholic Church and the sexual abuse allegations brings
discussions of homosexuality, pedophilia and sexual addiction to the forefront.
The public tends to conflate these three terms when talking about the accused
Catholic priests. Just want to make sure that people understand the differences
in sexual classifications when the general public reads about all the awful charges
about to hit the news.

The Priests (alleged) actions against young boys, young girls and seminarians
should receive the highest scrutiny and punishment. “Sexual abuse” either
perpetrated by a homosexual male, heterosexual male, pedophile or female
abuser deserve the same punishment. We should attend to the victims while
isolating the abusers from having access to others. Victims do not easily recover
from such childhood trauma without help. Denying that the abuse happened by
calling it “sex addiction, poor judgment or compulsive behaviors” only makes
recovery worse.

This discussion in no way serves as a criticism of Catholicism or any organized
faith. Rather, we must refer to these Priests by their rightful categorization:
sexual predators. Both homosexual men and individuals struggling with sex
addiction do not belong in the same category as the abusers. Frequently,
common folk mistakenly categorize all pedophiles as homosexual. To the
contrary, heterosexual men (married with children) also exhibit pedophilia. The
acting out perpetrated by the accused Archbishop McCarrick with seminarians
was homosexual in nature. It still doesn’t mean it was consensual as the young
Seminarians felt they had no choice but to comply. Alleged pedophile Priests
abused the prepubescent boys and girls in Pittsburg.

The DSMV defines pedophilia as “involving intense and recurrent sexual urges
towards and fantasies about prepubescent children that have either been acted
upon or which cause the person with the attraction distress or interpersonal
difficulty.” Prepubescence refers to boys younger than thirteen years old and
girls before the age of ten. The definition does not describe this disorder as an
addiction or restricted to one sexual orientation.

Sadly, each time an event of this nature occurs the press sometimes conflates the
meaning of pedophilia with other issues like sex addiction. Professionals need to
start educating the public about the many sexual issues with which individuals
struggle, the symptoms associated with these disorders and how to implement
preventative measures.

If you need help struggling with a sexual addiction, please call Dr. Goschi to set up
an individual therapy appointment. She treats individuals in Chicago and
Wilmette. Call today at (312)595-1787 or email her at barbara@drgoschi.com

To Touch or Not to Touch

Sex Addiction Therapy, Chicago and Wilmette. Il.

Individuals no longer seem to understand healthy parameters of a loving, consensual sexual relationship. Someone told me about a disturbing episode on Vice news. The couple on the show discussed sexual interactions between husband and wife. According to this couple, an individual must “always” ask permission to touch their partner. This meant that if a wife wanted to grab her husband’s butt she needed explicit permission from him first. The conversation went from confusing to more confusing.

Common sense has flown out the window when it comes to rules of sexual interaction. Therapists encourage couples to engage in playful, spontaneous sexual expression during sex therapy. In the above-mentioned conversation, the couple described sexual playfulness and spontaneity as bordering on abusive. This commentary is completely ridiculous.

Your sexual intimacies as a couple should not be dictated by what reporters, television shows, or what culture defines as politically correct. Your sexual relationship with your partner should include mutually agreed upon loving interactions between the two of you. Romantic exchanges between the two of you may include spontaneous, erotic, and romantic sexual expressions.

What makes good sex? Good sex results from shutting off our big brains, while engaging in good communication, and focusing on pleasure. When a couple feels comfortable and safe with each other they can ask for what turns them on without fear of scorn or rejection. When you communicate well with your partner it’s very difficult for either one or the other to feel misunderstood or threatened by touching. If you don’t like it if your husband grabs your breasts while you’re doing some chore tell him. Most often couples want to please each other.

If you find that you are struggling with communication or sexual issues either as an individual or in your marriage don’t hesitate to call Dr. Goschi to schedule your appointment. Dr. Goschi can be reached at (312)595-1787 or by email at barbara@drgoschi.com