Confronting Male Childhood Abuse: The Untold Stories

The documentary "Leaving Neverland" sheds light on the harrowing experiences of two men who, now in their thirties, bravely recount their childhood abuse at the hands of Michael Jackson. What stands out as particularly tragic is their delayed acknowledgment of the abuse they endured, only feeling safe to speak out after Jackson's death.

This delay in recognition and disclosure is unfortunately common among male victims of sexual abuse. Many young men carry a misguided sense of blame, often internalizing thoughts like, "I should have fought back." Even as adults, they struggle with the belief that they should have been able to stop the abuse, reinforcing the harmful stereotype that boys and men must always be strong and in control. It often takes years for these victims to realize they were powerless children targeted by a manipulative predator.

In some cases, the situation is further complicated by feelings of shame stemming from the mixed emotions associated with the abuse. Some boys may have experienced physical pleasure, which creates a barrier to disclosure, fearing they would be blamed or punished. Allegedly, Michael Jackson exacerbated this fear by manipulating his victims into believing they would face severe consequences, including incarceration, if they revealed the abuse.

Despite the significant strides made by the #MeToo movement, male voices remain conspicuously absent. While statistics suggest that one in four girls and one in ten boys are abused, it is likely that the numbers for boys are underreported. Sexual predators rely on the societal expectation that "boys don’t tell."

In my practice, I have encountered numerous men who were abused as children. Often, it is their spouses who encourage them to seek help, particularly when the abuse has impacted their sexual health and relationships. Childhood sexual abuse can profoundly affect an individual's sexuality and libido, leading to issues such as diminished sexual desire or, conversely, hypersexual behavior.

If you or your partner is grappling with the aftermath of abuse, know that help is available. Dr. Barbara Goschi specializes in addressing these complex issues with compassion and expertise. Reach out via email at barbara@drgoschi.com or call (312) 595-1787 to begin your journey towards healing today.

Bridging the Gap: Navigating Communication Challenges in New Relationships

As a social work therapist, I’ve worked with countless individuals who have faced many obstacles in their relationships. However, one of the most common challenges I’ve noticed is communication. It is an art that can either make or break any relationship.

Communication is the foundation upon which relationships are built; it is through communication that we connect, understand, and bond with our partners. But it is one of the most challenging aspects for new couples. Why? Because every individual communicates differently. We all come with
our unique set of experiences, perspectives, and personality traits that influence how we express and interpret information.

Understanding Communication Styles

Every individual has a unique communication style influenced by their childhood, culture, and personal experiences. Some people are direct and straightforward, while others are more subtle and indirect. Some express themselves freely, while others may find it difficult to open up.
Understanding your partner’s communication style and aligning it with yours is one of the first steps towards effective communication.

The Fear of Vulnerability

Communication involves opening up about our thoughts, emotions, and experiences. It means being vulnerable, which can be scary. New couples often face the challenge of opening up to each other due to the fear of being judged, misunderstood, or rejected. Part of this vulnerability can
come from previous experiences rather with family, friends or even previous relationships. It is essential to create a safe space where both partners can express themselves freely and honestly.

Assumptions and Misunderstandings

New couples often make assumptions about each other’s thoughts, feelings, or intentions, leading to misunderstandings. Most importantly asking questions is always better than assuming answers because we could be wrong. Remember, your partner cannot read your mind, nor can you read
theirs. Clear, direct communication is crucial to avoid such issues.

Digital Communication

Honestly, the rise of digital communication can make things even more complicated . Text messages, emails, and social media posts are now integral parts of our communication. However, they lack the nuances of face-to-face communication and can easily lead to misinterpretations. It is essential to understand that digital communication cannot replace the intimacy and depth of face-to-face conversations.

Building Effective Communication

Here are some tips to improve communication in your relationship:

Active Listening: Pay attention to your partner when they are speaking. Show interest and respond in a way that makes them feel heard and understood.

Be Open and Honest: Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences
without fear. Being open and honest builds trust and intimacy.

Use “I” Statements: Instead of saying “You always…” or “You never…”, use “I feel…” or “I think…” statements. It reduces the chances of your partner feeling attacked or defensive.
 

Seek to Understand, Not to Win: The goal of communication in a relationship is to understand each other, not to win an argument. Let go of the need to be right and focus on understanding your partner's perspective.

Practice Patience: Good communication requires patience. Give your partner the time they need to express themselves, and don’t rush to respond.
 

Don’t Avoid Difficult Conversations: It's natural to want to avoid conflict, but avoiding difficult conversations can create bigger problems in the future. Instead, approach such conversations with
respect and openness.

Get Professional Help: If communication issues persist, consider seeking help from a professional. A therapist or counselor can provide valuable tools and techniques to improve communication.

As you continue to grow in your relationship, keep in mind that communication is not just about talking but it's about connecting. It's about understanding and being understood. It's about creating a safe space where both of you can be your authentic selves. Embrace the challenges, cherish the journey, and always keep the lines of communication open. Because when words fail, love speaks.

Remember, effective communication is a skill that takes time master. Be patient with yourselves as well as with each other and remember that the goal is not perfection but progress. If you want help in this area contact Jirmiah Leverette, LSW, today!

Understanding Dialectical Behavior Therapy

Marsha M. Linehan, Ph.D. developed Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) in 1970 to treat chronically suicidal patients. This comprehensive and evidence-based treatment approach primarily helps individuals who struggle with emotionalregulation, self-destructive behaviors, and difficulties in interpersonal relationships. DBT combines elements of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) with concepts and techniques from various other therapeutic approaches.

DBT operates on the principle that individuals who experience intense emotions often have difficulty regulating and managing them effectively. This therapy aims to address heightened emotions by teaching individuals specific skills to improve emotional regulation, enhance interpersonal effectiveness, tolerate distress, and develop mindfulness.

DBT emphasizes the concept of dialectics, which involves finding a balance between acceptance and change. It acknowledges that while individuals may have difficulties that require adjustment, they also need acceptance and validation. DBT helps individuals recognize and change harmful behaviors while simultaneously fostering self-acceptance and self-compassion. Individual sessions typically focus on helping the person apply DBT skills to their specific challenges and behaviors.

DBT has been found to be effective in treating several conditions, including Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), self-harming behaviors, suicidal tendencies, substance use disorders, eating disorders, and other emotional dysregulation issues. Trained therapists deliver DBT in a strutured and systematic manner. Suicidal and self-harming behaviors may require hospitalization rather than out-patient treatment.

Consulting with a mental health professional is recommended to determine the most suitable therapy approach for an individual's specific needs. At Greater Chicago Counseling Center our clinicians determine whether a DBT treatment modality is right for you.